Thursday, May 15, 2008

The Church Ladies

It is fortunate that I have co-existed with church ladies who operate type writers. The following sentences have appeared in Church bulletins or were announced in Church services.

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again', giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy'.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the Church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S is done.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.


God damn spell checks and modern computers!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Who needs Saturday Night Live! This stuff could not be written so well by a professional writer!
"Pastor Bruce encourages all members Of the San Francisco Bay Unitarian- Universalist church to bend over backwards to
to support the colonoscopy clinic this week."
"Please do not be late for the bus on Tuesday. It leaves at 9 Am for the protest in front of the porn shop on West clinton Avenue. As Pentacostals, we expect you prepared to use your "tongues" as a witness to the power of the Lord!"
Feuerbach

Sin said...

LOL. Those are ingenious!